conflicted

yes, this is an update of my life.

half of the semester has gone by just like that. yes, somewhat i have adapted to this new lifestyle of mine.. university lifestyle. yes, i have also adapted to the fact that i am no longer young for i am already 21 and in many eyes, 21 signify adulthood though i beg to differ in some aspects. so naturally there would be expectations from parents and friends. one of the main thing my parents and close friends have prompted about is my love relationship.

funny thing is parents used to discouraged it for the last 20 years or so. when i last got attached, i remember them not being that open and happy about it. however, now they are asking as though they are expecting something to happen. sorry mum and dad, nothing yet. as for close friends, i can understand. in almost every stage of the education life, they would ask and somehow or rather it has been a trend to have one by university or to get one in university. well, for me, this is where i'm a little conflicted.

to start off, i don't really to follow trends nor surrender to peer pressure easily. so what's my take? well, personally i think i am not that capable to juggle whatever i have to juggle now and plus another thing known as relationship commitment. no, not that i'm afraid of commitments but rather, ii figure i might not be able to invest sufficient amount of time and effort into one. if one can deal well with it, might as well not start one for now. next, to have another half means you are sure you are able to really care for her on top of caring for yourself. as of now, i am still unsure if i am even taking good care of myself. the care here i am talking about is everything.. health, social relations, academics and what not. last and probably the least impactful reason, i dislike thinking about what will happen next if rejection occurs.

so yeah, those are my take. no hurry, just taking my time.