fear

yes this is an update of my life.

actually this will be a short update before i move on to writing what i actually wanted to set out to write in this post. end of week 2 is near.. just met with my FYP supervisor mentor earlier. had to present a little of what i have reading over the past few weeks. managed to clarify the few doubts i have as well. however.. datasets not ready. i felt a very good mix of happiness and sadness upon hearing that they are not ready. happy because i can put my FYP work on hold and focus on other things at hand. sad because i am quite hungry dive into the analysis and code writing.

you see, the slight bad thing about individual FYP is there is no pace or checkpoints to know if you are moving too fast or too slow or just right. the first deadline is already the submission of the full report in March. so the gap from now until then is up to each individual to fill with readings, analysis and writing. the amount of uncertainty is tremendous and probably the greatest among all the modules i have taken so far.

next, moving on to a thought on my mind today. fear. fear is a very tricky feeling.. it can hold you back and at the same time, it could be served as a motivation to do things. then, when the latter is applied, fear might pushed you too far to do something silly and then down you go on a slippery slope of unfortunate events. fear, after all, is what helped humans to evolve and survive so far.

fear was a great part of me when it comes to a certain aspect. this aspect would not be mentioned here right now but i promise i will mention it some time soon. okay, so yes, rewind few weeks ago, i was fearful of stepping out of my comfort zone to deal with a certain aspect of my life. it was so as i have faced failures in that area and the impact at times can be rather "memorable" and the reason side of my brain has always cautioned me to not feed on that aspect. i know fear is governing that reason side of my brain as the curiosity side of my brain is crying for me to step out of the comfort zone.

then, a close friend of mine actually urged and motivated me to take the leap out of the reason side of my brain, out of my comfort zone, out of my shell and feed that curiosity of mine. yeah i did, for my friend somehow managed to silence the reason side of my brain. so for weeks i have been exploring something that is clearly out of my comfort zone and today was sort of like a self-reflection kind of day.

i realised that stepping out of my comfort zone this time was rather interesting. i had both good and bad "results" when i expected only bad ones all this time. ohh my.. i sound so pessimistic there but i promise i am not that pessimistic as i sound.. my english is bad haha. so yeah, i cannot go into the specifics for now.. but when i mention about this again, i will. my point of bringing this up is, of course, to highlight the point of having fear. at the end of the day, i think it is not shameful or bad to have fear to govern you now and then but always remember that fear might not be always right when it comes to your personal interests and what not. i am thankful to have switched off my reason side of my brain these couple of weeks. until next time then, cheers.